


Parabatai

by zorilleerrant



Series: Maladaptive Daydreaming [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Jace Wayland-centric, M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9912953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorilleerrant/pseuds/zorilleerrant
Summary: You know the part where it implies for a sec that Jace can feel sex through the bond? Yeah, that.





	

The first time Jace realizes something is different about Alec, they’re still new to the bond, and Alec had a dream. It was a dream about – well, everyone has those dreams sometimes, don’t they, and Jace wouldn’t have thought anything of it, except that Alec runs into his room minutes later, crying, begging him not to tell anyone. He says he won’t, but he’s not sure exactly what he’s trying to keep secret. He tries not to think about it too much, after that.

The dreams come in bits and pieces. Jace finds it hard to tell which ones are his and which are Alec’s, and for a while decides it doesn’t matter – they’re parabatai. What’s his is Alec’s; what’s Alec’s is his. But he finds out later what it means, and after that he’s not so sure.

Jace wishes so hard they could just be normal, he’s not sure whether he’d rather those thoughts to belong to Alec or to him.

 

The first time Jace hears the word ‘gay’, it’s filled with hate, in the mouth of an adult who glares at Jace for making him say it. There’d been so much fear in their bond when he tried to ask, even though he was so sure nothing would happen, that Alec would be fine, Jace decided to bring it up himself. Only now he finds himself stammering in face of authority, someone asking why he’d think this up, why he wants to know. What he wants to do with the knowledge.

Jace considers mentioning the dreams. He considers mentioning the wandering thoughts that land on men sometimes. He considers mentioning the sorts of things the older Shadowhunters brag about when they think he can’t hear. He never considers mentioning Alec.

Instead, he launches into a crude joke Izzy overheard the other day, something she made him promise not to repeat. He thinks she’ll probably forgive him on this one. After all, everyone knows how important it is to protect your parabatai.

 

The first time Jace learns what the bond does is through practical experience. He’s spent enough time ruminating on his sexuality to wonder how it would be different if he and Alec had bonded later, or not at all. He’s heard enough implications from his teachers to have some inkling of what can happen, even though they’re ‘just too young’ to hear any details, and he and Alec have gotten used to ignoring each other’s flashes of lust or fleeting thoughts about the people around them.

It never struck him as meaning anything that when they take some time for themselves, they do it at the same time. They’re parabatai, after all. They spend most of their time together.

He returns home to Alec sitting on his bed, pale and shaken with tears drying on his cheeks. He _knows_ , and the only thing more difficult than knowing he saw the whole thing is trying to listen to him work his way through apologies. They work harder on meditation for a while. When it doesn’t work, they develop an agreement to just not talk about it.

 

The first time Jace meets Magnus, he feels inexplicably drawn to him. Not in the normal way he approaches a mystery, either, and it takes him a moment of wondering whether he really does like men after all before he realizes it’s Alec’s lust he’s feeling. It’s not the first time, but it’s one of the few times Alec’s taken more than a moment to brush it aside. Jace wonders idly what it’s like from the other side, what it feels like to watch your parabatai fuck. Alec catches his eye and blushes.

Jace figures it can’t be all that much. After all, once Alec got used to it, he stopped complaining. He never mentioned it again. Jace imagines it like background noise, a music video playing too loud. Maybe you wish the volume would go down, but if you concentrate, you can move past it.

And Alec’s seen it all before, anyway. He probably has the song memorized by now.

 

The first time Alec has sex, it catches Jace by surprise. He’s not in the best of moods, and when he sees Magnus, the same Magnus that’s been dominating far too many of Alec’s thoughts, his first reaction is jealousy. That’s _his_ parabatai.

The feeling doesn’t last long.

Jace manages to stumble his way to a couch, brace himself on it as he fumbles his pants halfway down, and then everything is lost in a tactile clamor, hands and tongue and the way the sheets bunch up in a knot against Alec’s back right where mattress meets wood. Magnus’s eyes flash different colors, and it seems like a trick of the light at first, but then Alec’s eyes close and it doesn’t matter anymore, he can feel the lips at his neck but he can’t tell whether that’s Magnus’s hand on Alec’s cock or Jace’s hand on his own.

Their unspoken agreement holds.


End file.
